RANDOM RAMBLE #2!

...ABOUT WHITE LIES.

I have nothing against you, white lies.
But... why do you have to have a snowball effect, huh?
What did the people who mentioned you ever do to you?
Why must we cover our tracks when you are supposedly so "little"?
And somehow, you always turn into something else!

See, that's my problem with Little White Lies.
I cannot judge you for telling them but in my experience people tell White Lies when they don't even have to, and then those lies turn into something bigger!

You can argue (as will I) that some white lies are okay...
Like telling your boyfriend that his eating habits don't really annoy you (...but if he pick up his spoon with his whole hand as if it was the world's biggest spoon to carry a tiny amount of soup that will just get SSslllLLLUUUURRRRRRRPPP into his mouth, you will shove down that spoon so far.....up........   .......!).
Or telling your beautiful girlfriend with the tiny self esteem issue about her waistline that those skinny jeans look AAAMMMMMAAZIng (because you know that they really do look amazing, even if she doesn't.... and you also don't want to spend another 20 minutes in her room while she raids her closet... ahem... not me...)

But these are tinyyyy! They are! Eventually you and your boyfriend will have such a connection that you will be able to tell him that his eating habits are annoying (I'll leave the sugarcoating to you...) and your girlfriend will eventually come home and change into pajamas while those skinny jeans just go back to the wash.

The problem is when you tell a little white lie to not bring up unpleasantness into play, or when it could really hurt someone, or because you want to avoid the unavoidable. Because who wants to really start a conversation like this:

Me: Hi! How are you?
You: Well, I'm actually not well. I think we need to talk....

Chances are, you are already sweating bullets. So for the most part people will say "I'm good...Not much. You?"


..... No.

Because even though you've just saved yourself days or even weeks of a very uncomfortable talk, that lie will grow and grow and grow into your own little customized gremlin (don't lie to the gremlin after midnight!)



Point: Tell the truth! Don't let days pass you by not telling people how you really feel. Think of all the wonderful closeness you will achieve with that certain someone because you talked about it in the first place, instead of letting it snowball and bursting out a gazillion pounds of white fluffy lies all over them (although that would be nice... I miss fluffy snow)



....Anyone make it to the bottom of the page?

Yayy! Pat yourself on the shoulder <3

Short Ramble #1:
I hate it when people say "I don't watch the news or read the paper..they're full of lies and the government don't want us to know the whole truth... and the media sucks...and the reporters are conformists... blah blah blah" It's always better to be somewhat informed than not informed at all...
I often find that these people are the ones that are most needy in some heavy duty knowledge.... juuuuust saying

Last October I competed in the Sunnyside Idol and didn't even get to the top 10 :( However! I love to sing. So when I saw Tom (the karaoke guy for these competitions) and he told me I should audition again I was already planning the songs I would sing. I had to play it smart and see what I had done the last audition that didn't let me go to Finals. So for my first audition I sand At Last by the beautiful Etta James. Done and done! First round was over and I had made it to the Semi-Finals. This was the part that would prove difficult because I know that I have the most horrible stage presence. I completely get lost in the songs (which sadly no one knows in my generation, or it feels that way because HOWWWW do you NOT know Etta James???!) So I picked something more popular: Carrie Underwood's Before He Cheats. I know it's a complete sellout in my part because I don't even listen to Carrie Underwood (no offence Underwood fans!) but her voice is beautiful and that song is crazy angry and powerful. So I learned it the day of the Semi-Finals and totally butchered the chorus (because everyone knows I didn't mention anything about a Louisville Slugger...). I still won :) Because it's a fun song and everyone likes it when you can belt out notes (WITH A REASON!! i hate when people belt out notes all over the place... we get it! We hear you roar! hehe)  So I made it to the Finals.

Finals are on me and I was so nervous. But I was surrounded by good people and even though I know I didn't do my best (I sang Mariah Carey's Hero) I still won :)

Good vibes <3

Master Cleanse: After Results

So it's nice to know a couple of people have followed my Master Cleanse posts. Two of the most frequently asked questions are"Does it work?" or "Have I managed to keep the weight off?" - Short answer YES! and YES!

Long answer: Since I started the Master Cleanse I weighted in at 138lbs and looked like this:

 After 2 1/2 weeks of the Master Cleanse I weighted in at 123lbs and looked like this:

Today I weight 120lbs and look like this:

 My measurements went from: (in inches)
Waist:34.5
Arms:10.5
Bust:36
Hips:36
Thighs: 19.5

To this:
Waist: 31
Arms:9.5
Bust:35
Hips:35.5
Thighs: 17.5

Which is awesome! Because my skinny jeans (size 26) are no longer my skinny jeans. They are now my regular size. New skinny jeans are size 23. It's super nice to know I don't have to throw out/give away my beautiful purple jeans. They are awesome :)

But it hasn't been all Peaches and Cream (that sounds so good now!!). A big misconception about the Cleanse is that it will make you loose weight fast (fact), without much effort (ehh...), and you will be able to just BE skinny as soon as you finish the cleanse(SUPER FALSE!!). Like any super fast weight loss programs, the Master Cleanse is more a jump-start to a healthier lifestyle. Even Stanley Burroughs states in his book that this is a gateway for meat-eaters into Vegetarianism. So keeping track of your food intake, making good healthy choices, and exercising on a regular basis are what keep the weight off... and then some.

I keep my cal intake set to 800 (on myfitnesspal.com) and you may think that's a crazy number, but in reality I end up eating between 1000-1200 cals a day. Seeing 800 is what keeps me on track and motivated to work off at least 200 cals on any given day that I eat 1000 cals. By the end of the day my net calorie intake should be between 800-1000. And that's about 45 minutes of running! Not that crazy anymore.

The food I eat is no longer Taco Bell (although on some weekends I allow myself to eat a 300 calorie burrito), but mostly fruits and vegetables. Here's an example of my meal on a regular day.

Breakfast: 
2 packets of Quaker Instant Oatmeal (260 calories and soooo filling!)
2 Tablespoons of my favorite French Vanilla creamer (70)
Lunch:
Cheese (About 1oz is 100 cals)
Apple (80)
2 Plums (70)
Green Tea (0!)
Banana (105)
Slice of bread (90)
Dinner: (I am Chilean so I eat traditional Chilean dinner, which is like a 2nd breakfast)
2 Slices of Toast (180)
Butter (35)
Ham (35)
Muenster Cheese (100)
1/4 of tomato (20)
Tea (0!!)

TOTAL CALORIE INTAKE-> 1,145
So I have to work off about 345 calories to be back at a net intake of 800.
And looking at that menu may seem like I spend a lot of time being hungry but fruits, vegetables and oatmeal make a big part of my day. They are filled with vitamins, nutrients, and fiber that are natural for my body to use. Not the fiber that comes in powders or whatnot. I almost never feel hungry, but when I do I don't refuse to eat a snack. My favorites are cucumber slices, apples, plums, strawberries, cherries, and grapes. Yogurt can be in the mix too but some of them are tricky because they take out a lot of calories and put in a whole lotta chemicals that your body doesn't use, hence few calories that your body DOES use. I usually go for a 1/2 cup of Greek strained yogurt (about 75 cals) topped with honey or fruits or a teaspoon of granola. Make it Yummy!
          

Overall, I'm pretty much happy with the way that I look and feel after shedding 18lbs. I don't have to spend money on brand new (bigger) clothes :D

Really?!

"Love is the spirit of giving with out expecting anything in return". Anonymous

Is that what it is? Because I love. I love deeply and sometimes irrationally. And I have a spirit in it that I cannot even begin to explain. But to not expect that in return would not make me happy and would kill my spirit and I would not love. Because WHAT is love without being loved? How dysfunctional would a relationship be if nothing is expected from the other. Maybe (most likely) I will never ask my 8 year boyfriend to do a single thing for me, but he knows that I expect him to love me and respect me and be as irrational as I am. 

Because all these 8 years with Chris have taught me that there are things to expect from the other person and that is how love is built. When your expectations are met by a person in all levels then you become happier and more connected to that one person.  When there are expectations that are not met, I've noticed that I become doubtful of my relationship. Since Chris is my first boyfriend (and I am his) there have been so many lessons to learn; we didn't have the experience of messing up relationships with other people. We have just learned and moved on and become a very strong unit. 

He knows what makes me happy and I know what makes him happy and we expect to be happy. Forever. When things change and our expectations are changed we will have to communicate in order to travel down the same path but just in a different vehicle.  

Obviously I understand this quote in a more shallow way, like me getting him a little present (which I love to do for all friends) without expecting him (or friends) to get me anything in return. But not for deep and irrational and passionate love to be shared with one person.

I don't buy this quote at all. It's like "The early bird get's the worm" .... well that's nice but not for the worm. 

Ze End!!

I'm done!!!! I'll be honest and say that I totally cheated this year. What the hell? I've done this detox 4 years in a row with no problem, but this year food has just found itself in my fingers and into my mouth.

So instead of restarting for the third (or fourth?) time I'm just giving my body a break. I already lost 13 pounds since July 1st, haven't had coffee in about 3 weeks, and I feel energized and like I've given my body a reset. Even with the cheating I feel like I gotten some good results.

So today I started the day with the Saline Wash in the morning, and from 9AM-2PM I had the last bit of my left-over Lemonade. For lunch I had lettuce, tomatoes, one fourth of an apple, and a flour tortilla (had to get that carb!!). I still had so much energy because it's just the good sleep, no need for coffee, and beautiful sun giving me positive outlooks on my eating habits. Then I even went to yoga!

I've always loved yoga and pilates. So I'm going everyday to either Yoga or Pilates or a run around my neighborhood for 5 miles. Today I went to Yoga to the People for an hour of Power Vinyasa, which led to some heavy duty sweating. It was gross and awesome at the same time :)

Dinner was pretty yummy too. I had a small sandwich with 1 1/2 slice of ham, 1 slice of muenster cheese, and lots of lettuce followed by really hot Green Tea.  Bringing my total calorie intake to: 939!! Which is a little of low side but I didn't have a normal breakfast.

So far so good...

I weighed in today at 123.5

That is about 9 lbs lost since I started to become very health conscious, so I guess my "mess ups" couldn't have done too much damage.

The experience with the Master Cleanse has been amazing though. I haven;t had coffee in about 2 weeks, I am so clean inside and I can feel the difference in my energy level. After 3 days of being in the Master Cleanse you will experience your bowel movements as something resembling pee more than poo. There is literally nothing inside you to excrete, except for liquid and a yellowish mucus thing that the website says is normal.

5 More days to go :D

Day 0 ... AGAIN!

What the hell! I have THE meanest family eveerrrrr! I kid... but seriously! MUST they make this for my first day of cleansing?

And then throw a BBQ with all my favorite foods???!!!

Needless to say, I failed. Urgh, I had felt so strong and empowered by not even having a lick of of the delicious meal pictured above, but how could I say no to my dad's carne asada (google it! word's can't describe how amazingly delicious this dish is). Just look at that red, delicious, juicy piece of steak just waiting for me to devour like the dinosaur I was in my past life.

That's not all! Because even though I tried to eat an extremely small meal to not cause too much damage, everyone egged me on to just go with it. And I did. And it was delicious! Soooo I had the carne, I had the yellow rice with my mom's potato salad, tomato and onion salad (Courtesy of Chile), strawberry pound cake, cranberry muffin, ice cream. Now you must be thinking What the hell, Carol? Didn't you feel bad? and I say HECK NO, because right after that feast I had, 1/4 of a funnel cake (for the first time ever!!!) and pizza and then my sister bought me a BK whopper jr, and a diet coke (which wasn't diet. You hear that cashier??? I can TELL when its not diet!). And then I was done....

I had to start all over again, but then I had a really bad day because I argued with an old friend. I'm just tired of being nice. I think I'm just too complacent and I go with the flow, and I wished that I could be angry and show anger once in a while. Maybe people wouldn't stand me up, or flake out, or be super late when I want to see somebody. I just let everyone off too easy. I should be able to voice my opinion, but like I said, I'm very satisfied with letting things go.  Instead, I reached for the fridge and popped in 2 cookies and some m&m's.....

So I started again :) You just gotta do it, it's a hard cleanse for a reason.

In better news: Since the beginning of July I've lost 10 pounds :D 
I took this picture because I was so happy!

 

HW: 137
CW:126
GW1: 120
GW2:110


"It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop."
-Confucius

Master Cleanse Day 1

Yesterday was the last day I ate any solids. SO goodbye bagels with cream cheese, cereal, ice cream, coffee, alcohol, and just about anything that doesn't involve lemon juice, maple syrup, and cayene pepper. Can I add tequila to my lemonade?!!!

One of the things that really keeps me motivated is visualization. I have to see my goal. Pictures of myself after cleanses are the best, because I know I'm usually between 120-130lb range but on my short self that can be a big change. I also look through different magazines, blogs, and websites that have thinspiration. Although, thinspiration is a clever word that is now associated with pro-ana and pro-mia websites, I do not encourage you to be ana or mia. Whether you realize or now, thin-inspiration is all around us, and instead of making me feel bad about myself, I decide to put those skinny models and celebrities to good use and get inspired to reach my goals. Which is between 110-120lbs. Some may think that 110lbs is too little, but I have a small frame and I'm 5'2''. So that would be a BMI of 20.1 and that is right in the Normal category.


Myself at 120

Myself at 127

The weight has to come off because I refuse to buy size a size 6 in all my clothing. Every time I go to the stores to try on clothes I feel bad because I know there are better ways to spend my money. I already have so much clothes and it can't go to waste, so the weight must come off.

When I started I weighted in at  130. Today I am 127 :D

Days 1-7 (Check!)

The first week is over!!! The restricted diet, lots of water, and 48 Hour cleanse have all allowed me to slowly go on to the big Cleanse. It was hard!  I allow myself to eat very little, so I sometimes didn't know when to stop.

Here is my Feast on 4th of July:
Breakfast
One slice of Bread (70)
Coldcuts (210)
Butter (50)
Total: 330

Lunch and Snacks: 
Miracle 48 hour and Arizona Green Tea (380)

4th OF JULY FEAST!
4oz Meat! I'm Spanish, its gotta happen (150-180)
1/2 cup Rice, Also HAS to happen (180)
1/2 Margarita (200)
Total: (530-560)

Overall I had at least 1,240 calories for a holiday. Usually, I will go all out and have over 2500 cals easy! My other days I had between 500-800 calories. Seems very bad for a cleanse but this is a very hungry girl during pre-cleanse. If you fail, just keep trying, eventually your mind will be strong enough to deny temptation and my potential mother-in-law's cooking.

Onward! Today was my first day of the Master Cleanse. And I kinda failed here and there but I've set my calendar (on Master Cleanse app) for 7-10 days just in case I failed my first day.. or second... (All ingredients and instructions are at link to the website, at the bottom of this blog).

Before you start drinking the lemonade you have to start the night before with the "before-bed" Senna Tea, which I find delicious and thick. Like some tea meant to soothe you while it causes chaos inside. Really! It creates a gentle feeling as you drink it but don't bother setting your alarm the morning after. This gentle tea will wake you up with abdominal pains and will make you rush to the bathroom as a nice welcome to the Cleanse. With that said,  if you decide to do this cleanse I hope you start it when you don't have work/school the next morning for about 2-3 days.

Next up is the Saline Wash, which must be done before anything. So this morning I went straight to the kitchen and instead of reaching for my coffee pot, I reached for the Sea Salt. Mixed my Saline Wash concoction and drank it down. It's not as gross as it seems, basically the warm water and sea salt taste like chicken soup without the chicken. The warmer it is the better it feels, otherwise it makes me wanna gag by the time I've drank only 16 oz (out of 32). This wash will also make frequent trips to the bathroom and even the Master Cleanse app will warn you against flatulence because you might not have gas at all... So don't leave your house for about 2 hours and don't fart out of your toilet.... Fair Warning

All of today I was supposed to just drink my Lemonade and that's it! But for some reason I made the mistake of not drinking it right after the Saline Wash, so for about 3 hours I didn't notice how hungry I was. And then I ate 2 cookies and 4 m&ms... and blueberry pound cake. I should know better. A happy tummy is one that stays satisfied and doesn't send signals to my brain to ravage the fridge. So I tried to stay good for the remainder of the day and ate an orange when I couldn't take it anymore. It happens, but now I know I can take on tomorrow.

Now to get my Senna tea ready :) Goodnight!

http://themastercleanse.org/

Day 1

...of my yearly detox! Yayyyy

^^ Happy Detox Face :)
First! This is MY journey through my detox. Don't try anything yourself without researching and talking to your doctor! You never know what my body can take and yours can't. Everyone is different and you shouldn't take my blog as How-To but rather as a written experience of one person going through a detox.

As hard as it may seem for a person to deprive themselves from one of life's most delicious necessities, I know that once a year won't kill me, I've done the Master Cleanse about 5 times. Usually I try to privately journal my days to keep track and kill time writing instead of eating, but this time I decided to share it (to whoever may even read this) and show an honest reaction of how a person (24 yr/ female who eats 3-4 meals everyday and do light exercise 1-2 times a week) goes about the detox/fast. You may think I'll breeze through this easily since I've done it before, but oooooh no! Every single time is just as hard as the first time. If there is a person out there who can easily fast whenever they like, then tip of the hat to you and pleaseee give me tips! I usually do well with distractions but my life isn't so exciting to keep me busy for hours on end. But I also like that it's hard, because I become so aware of my body and its needs (because hot apple pie with vanilla ice cream is NOT a need, as I usually like to believe ha!).

So tonight (or morning) I just drank a glass of Napolina (fiber drink) and tomorrow I begin my pre-detox. I need to prepare my mind and body for what is coming (Its very hard to just jump into the Master Cleanse right after a weekend of regular eating).

Tomorrow I will drink a cup of coffee (not ready to let that go just yet) and then fill a big bottle of water with a few ounces of the Hollywood 48-Hour Miracle Diet. Hold your thought! I do not believe that this "diet" will make me loose 10 lbs as it claims (you will probably gain all those pounds back and then some...as all fad diets make you do). This is just my pre-game for the big Cleanse because you basically run your body for 2 days on only 800 calories! I water it down a lot because I love to eat and get really cranky when I don't, so constantly drinking this fruity juice keeps me distracted! The writing helps too because I reinforce my will power by writing my success, which motivates me to keep going!


Master Cleanse: http://themastercleanse.org/

Woman Warrior

So many books read. I loved every part of it. I remember when people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up and as soon as they heard "English Literature Teacher" they would tell me in their warning voices, "Oh, you're gonna have to read aloooot of books!"

Psh! As if that ever scared me.....

I wanted to be in the train with an open book at all times, with 4 others on my lap. Filling my head with all the places I've never even had an option to go to. Involved with people that were complex and full of purpose. I love how literature unites us. Books literally as a human link.

One of my favorite books this semester is Maxine Hong Kingston's The Woman Warrior: Memoir of a Girlhood Among Ghosts

Kingston's fictionalized memoir as a Chinese-American (herself as first-generation). It is divided into five different chapters, each telling the story of a specific woman.

1. No-Name Woman- Kingston's aunt, who after shaming her family by having a child out of wedlock, commits suicide. Not a spoiler! The chapter is mostly about how Kingston comes to terms with the small description above given by her mother.

2. Fa Mu Lan- This is my favorite chapter. If you ever saw the Disney version of Mulan, you'll forget all about it. This folk tale of a girl who trains in the mountains from age 7 to 15 to fight the corrupt baron disguised as a man. Amazing story!

3. Brave Orchid- Kingston's mother's tale in China, fighting ghosts, in medical school, and her growing reputation as a skillful midwife.

4. Moon Orchid - Moon Orchid's sister, who has been brought to live in the US by her sister and daugher, to reclaim her role as wife to a man who has re-married once he left China.  DRAMMMMAAAAA, but so powerful in the terms of female silencing.

5. This is Kingston's chapter where she finally confronts her mother for filling her world with stories (or talk-stories as she calls them), memories of China filled with ghosts, and silencing her daughter by her usual remark, "There’s no profit in raising girls. Better to raise geese than girls."



All in all, this book is so beautifully written, and completely inspired me to write more. I'm curious to know what ghosts are in my family :P

Motivation Rant

I've forgotten how much I actually like to run.

About a month ago I weighed myself and reached 136 lbs. This is the reason why I've felt so slow and fatigued and a bit lazy. I usually stay around 110-115 and I feel most energetic at this weight.

But it's not only the weight but also my heart, my muscles, my strength that are going out the window.
-Recently I landed myself in the ER because my heart couldn't take a small sprint from one train station to my transfer. It hurt so bad, like someone just grabbed my heart and gave it a yank. WTF?!
-I went to the GYM and did some leg presses. About a year ago I could do 3 sets of 20 reps on the olympic leg press using 300lb plates. A few weeks ago I couldn't do 2 sets of 20 with 190lbs. WTF?!
-My arms, legs, and tummy were once in tip top shape, didn't have a six pack but it was very toned. Now I have a huge roll that I cant even hide or suck in. WTF?!

And so I had enough and I'm down to just 128. My own body is my motivation.
On Saturday I went back to the team I rowed for throughout high school and pulled so hard. Pulled for every time I ever ate Taco Bell, Burger King, and Wendy's instead of the healthy (free) food my mom had waiting for me at home. I pulled for every time I decided to watch TV instead of doing the Pilates videos (right at home!). I specially pulled for every time during these 5 years that I thought that I was on a healthy track just because I was thin and was able to fit (with a lot of struggle) in my jeans.

My ultimate goal would be to weight 110 lbs again and be super toned, but more important than that number is the energy, strength, and cheeriness I experienced when I was healthy!
Because if you ever see me, you'd know I was thin, but what does it matter to be thin if you don't have any muscles but just fat? If you can't run 30 minutes without stopping on a straight paved road? If you can't sit down on the train without falling asleep because  of the small amount of energy you have? That's me! And I had enough!

I'm sore! And it feels great! I ran 3.6 miles (in an hour eek!) and it's embarrassing, but now I've worked out and feel a bit more energetic than I did two weeks ago. I woke early and didn't need multiple cups of coffee to keep me going. This is going to be a journey (because before when I was super athletic I had a wonderful coach that helped me be at my very physical best) for me, I am doing this alone. And I'll be glad when I succeed :D

Next goal: 120 lbs and being able to run 5 miles in an hour :)

I'm not obese, but why should I wait until I am to change my lifestyle?

Dreaming of Kafka

Last night I had a dream that was so intense and scary and exciting that I still remember the details.

The dark hues over people's faces as they saw murders by an invisible force.
The beautiful white glimmering coats of the horses that dissapeared in front of my eyes.
The three women in each room in the beige building that collapsed in the middle of their actions, dead.

It was horrifying and exciting and the visuals were beautiful and wonderful in the middle of the despair and chaos.

It means I need to write it down.
Some of it is already in a little dream pad in my bedroom, but I need to expand on it.

What is the force that possesses people (in a non-spiritual way) to murder (without direct contact) men women and horses?

Why is one of the people in my dream called The Polar Bear? Why is he so skinny?



What is the motive for the deaths of seemingly innocent people?

It reminds me of Franz Kafka nightmarish style of writing :)

Gonna go home and read up on my Kafka :D