Woman Warrior

So many books read. I loved every part of it. I remember when people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up and as soon as they heard "English Literature Teacher" they would tell me in their warning voices, "Oh, you're gonna have to read aloooot of books!"

Psh! As if that ever scared me.....

I wanted to be in the train with an open book at all times, with 4 others on my lap. Filling my head with all the places I've never even had an option to go to. Involved with people that were complex and full of purpose. I love how literature unites us. Books literally as a human link.

One of my favorite books this semester is Maxine Hong Kingston's The Woman Warrior: Memoir of a Girlhood Among Ghosts

Kingston's fictionalized memoir as a Chinese-American (herself as first-generation). It is divided into five different chapters, each telling the story of a specific woman.

1. No-Name Woman- Kingston's aunt, who after shaming her family by having a child out of wedlock, commits suicide. Not a spoiler! The chapter is mostly about how Kingston comes to terms with the small description above given by her mother.

2. Fa Mu Lan- This is my favorite chapter. If you ever saw the Disney version of Mulan, you'll forget all about it. This folk tale of a girl who trains in the mountains from age 7 to 15 to fight the corrupt baron disguised as a man. Amazing story!

3. Brave Orchid- Kingston's mother's tale in China, fighting ghosts, in medical school, and her growing reputation as a skillful midwife.

4. Moon Orchid - Moon Orchid's sister, who has been brought to live in the US by her sister and daugher, to reclaim her role as wife to a man who has re-married once he left China.  DRAMMMMAAAAA, but so powerful in the terms of female silencing.

5. This is Kingston's chapter where she finally confronts her mother for filling her world with stories (or talk-stories as she calls them), memories of China filled with ghosts, and silencing her daughter by her usual remark, "There’s no profit in raising girls. Better to raise geese than girls."



All in all, this book is so beautifully written, and completely inspired me to write more. I'm curious to know what ghosts are in my family :P

Motivation Rant

I've forgotten how much I actually like to run.

About a month ago I weighed myself and reached 136 lbs. This is the reason why I've felt so slow and fatigued and a bit lazy. I usually stay around 110-115 and I feel most energetic at this weight.

But it's not only the weight but also my heart, my muscles, my strength that are going out the window.
-Recently I landed myself in the ER because my heart couldn't take a small sprint from one train station to my transfer. It hurt so bad, like someone just grabbed my heart and gave it a yank. WTF?!
-I went to the GYM and did some leg presses. About a year ago I could do 3 sets of 20 reps on the olympic leg press using 300lb plates. A few weeks ago I couldn't do 2 sets of 20 with 190lbs. WTF?!
-My arms, legs, and tummy were once in tip top shape, didn't have a six pack but it was very toned. Now I have a huge roll that I cant even hide or suck in. WTF?!

And so I had enough and I'm down to just 128. My own body is my motivation.
On Saturday I went back to the team I rowed for throughout high school and pulled so hard. Pulled for every time I ever ate Taco Bell, Burger King, and Wendy's instead of the healthy (free) food my mom had waiting for me at home. I pulled for every time I decided to watch TV instead of doing the Pilates videos (right at home!). I specially pulled for every time during these 5 years that I thought that I was on a healthy track just because I was thin and was able to fit (with a lot of struggle) in my jeans.

My ultimate goal would be to weight 110 lbs again and be super toned, but more important than that number is the energy, strength, and cheeriness I experienced when I was healthy!
Because if you ever see me, you'd know I was thin, but what does it matter to be thin if you don't have any muscles but just fat? If you can't run 30 minutes without stopping on a straight paved road? If you can't sit down on the train without falling asleep because  of the small amount of energy you have? That's me! And I had enough!

I'm sore! And it feels great! I ran 3.6 miles (in an hour eek!) and it's embarrassing, but now I've worked out and feel a bit more energetic than I did two weeks ago. I woke early and didn't need multiple cups of coffee to keep me going. This is going to be a journey (because before when I was super athletic I had a wonderful coach that helped me be at my very physical best) for me, I am doing this alone. And I'll be glad when I succeed :D

Next goal: 120 lbs and being able to run 5 miles in an hour :)

I'm not obese, but why should I wait until I am to change my lifestyle?

Dreaming of Kafka

Last night I had a dream that was so intense and scary and exciting that I still remember the details.

The dark hues over people's faces as they saw murders by an invisible force.
The beautiful white glimmering coats of the horses that dissapeared in front of my eyes.
The three women in each room in the beige building that collapsed in the middle of their actions, dead.

It was horrifying and exciting and the visuals were beautiful and wonderful in the middle of the despair and chaos.

It means I need to write it down.
Some of it is already in a little dream pad in my bedroom, but I need to expand on it.

What is the force that possesses people (in a non-spiritual way) to murder (without direct contact) men women and horses?

Why is one of the people in my dream called The Polar Bear? Why is he so skinny?



What is the motive for the deaths of seemingly innocent people?

It reminds me of Franz Kafka nightmarish style of writing :)

Gonna go home and read up on my Kafka :D